My Favorite Family Traditions on Christmas

My favorite time of year growing up was always Christmas. Mostly because of all the presents I got and being blown away by how Santa always knew the perfect gift to get me, and because I loved our Christmas Eve traditions.
My family is made up of just about every ethnic heritage you can think of so my parents came up with a very unconventional Christmas Eve dinner for our tradition. We eat Mexican food! Tacos, enchiladas, refried beans, chips and salsa and more. My mom would occasionally even make flan for dessert. After dinner we would sit around and each read our favorite children's Christmas stories such as:

The Polar Express
How The Grinch Stole Christmas
The Littlest Angel
The Three Trees
new favorite- Too Many Tamales
Santa Mouse
The Night Before Christmas
and many more...

We'd end the night reading the story of Christ's birth out of the Bible and taking a moment to soak in the spirit of the season. It's so easy to forget what we are really celebrating this time of year.

After that, each of us kids would get to open one present which usually ended up being pajamas and then all three of us would sleep in one room. We'd try to stay up as long as we could to see if we could hear or see Santa and his sleigh but always fell asleep before that happened. From the view of our bedroom window was a radio tower which had a red flashing light on its top and I use to imagine that the red light was Rudolph's shining nose and I'd fall asleep waiting to see if it got closer.

Now that we are all older with kids of our own, we've each modified these traditions to fit our indvidual families but I think we've kept if very similar. Spending a quiet evening together letting everyone take part in making that night a very special one is so very important.

So, to all those who read this blog (all three of you) I wish you a Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, and a happy New Year. This is the prefect time of year to take some quality time off and spend it with your family. Much love to everyone!

Christmas Festivities by Abbey

I've been wanting to institute some sort of advent calendar into our yearly holiday festivities, but I haven't seen one that I really like.  At least, enough to spend money on.

Last night I got a fresh dose of holiday cheer (let's blame it on the new snow!), and thought I'd whip something up to countdown to Christmas.   I'm a big crafter so, I already had all of the essentials:  cardstock, photoshop, and an endless supply of ribbon.

I had a few goals to accomplish with this project.  First, I wanted some sort of religious aspect to the calendar.  Second, I wanted something fun, too.  Not that reading scriptures isn't a grand ol' time, but I've got a two-year-old.  Third, I wanted to stay away from treats.  I'm one of those total weirdos who thinks that candy isn't good for you.  I know.

So here's what I came up with.

First, I took these gift tags and doctored 'em up a bit.  I love the way they look under our tree, so I figured I might as well not re-invent the wheel.  I basically made them bigger and added text.

Then, on the back, I added a scripture that pointed to the Savior's birth.  I also added a fun activity to do, like baking cookies or watching a Christmas movie.

I finished it up by adding a glittery ribbon to each tag, and hanging them next to our stockings.  I'm super excited to show my daughter how it works, and to do all of the fun Christmas-y stuff with her.

Who knows?  Maybe next year I'll go crazy and do one for every day in December.  This year I thought 12 would be a good start...

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Abbey has her own blog named The Naptime Report and if you would like to visit it, just click on the link

 http://thenaptimereport.blogspot.com/

Christmas Traditions and Recipes by Jana

Christmas time is such a fun time of year and so many families have different traditions!  One of my families favorite tradition is creating our own “silent night”.  Well, let’s be honest, when doing this tradition with kids, there is no way we have a silent night.  Our kids, more appropriately, refer to it as Christmas Camp Out.  We turn off the TV and phones, pull out the sleeping bags, read Christmas stories(of course, we share some of our own), enjoy yummy treats, listen to Christmas music, and sometimes even wrap a few presents. The night ends with us all falling asleep under the Christmas tree lights.  With all the busyness of Holiday preparations, I have come to love this special night.  I know it is a simple tradition, but I also know I’m going to just enjoy the Christmas spirit and the time I'm spending with my family.

During our Silent Night we usually have breakfast for dessert and here is one of our favorites for breakfast... Christmas Tree Toast and we decorate it with raspberry syrup! 

Christmas tree breakfast

2 cups eggnog (I like vanilla eggnog and I usually add an egg, and sprinkle in cinnamon and nutmeg)

8 slices day-old bread

8 pork sausage links

Green colored sugar

Confectioners' sugar

Pour eggnog into a shallow bowl; dip both sides of bread in eggnog. In a nonstick skillet, toast bread over medium heat for 2 minutes on each side or until golden brown. Meanwhile, in another skillet, brown the sausage.

Cut French toast diagonally; place four slices, overlapping slightly, on each serving plate for the tree. Place two sausages at the bottom for the trunk. Sprinkle with sugars. Add an orange slice for the sun and herbs for grass if desired.

Here is a yummy treat we also make to enjoy, although usually we are eating from the goodie plates delivered to us by friends! 

White Christmas mix

2 (12oz) pkg white chips

3 T vegetable oil

1 lb bag M&M’s (Christmas)

2 oz peanuts (dry roasted)

5 C cheerios

5C corn Chex

Melt chips and oil, in a large bowl mix the other ingredients then pour chocolate and gently mix put on wax paper.    

My Honest Feelings

I've kind of struggled with what direction I want the blog to go. I've always known that I wanted this blog to not just be dominated by my own posts; I want it to be a place were other people can feel comfortable enough to post their own thoughts, comments, stories, opinion, and more. But I've also always known that I didn't want to use this site as a personal opinion, whining, complaining site. I guess I've had a heard time finding a balance between writing my own opinion pieces with informative helpful pieces as well.

I think, since I've kind of been on my own on this, I've been trying so hard to be informative that I've forgotten to put a little of myself in here as well. So, starting from here on out, I'm going to write more pieces about my thoughts and opinions on various matters. I know I'm not perfect. I'm definitely not a perfect mom and I consider myself still a new mom with 2 kids under the age of 5. But I think I have an opinion and useful knowledge that actually matters.

So, weither you like it or not, I will start getting more personal with my pieces. I welcome any and all comments especially those that can and will disagree with my view on things. I am open to change and other views that will give me a whole new perspective on life. So if you think I'm being catty, judgmental, small-minded in a piece I'd love to hear that and why you feel that way. But I hope that I'm effecting the readers of this blog more in a positive manner and inspiring to do more.

That is all I have to say for now. Signing off...

Mothers and Friends

Sorry, I've been working on this post for about a week now. The hardest part was getting the link that I needed to post this piece, but it's finally ready!
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I've attached a link to another blog  Motherhood Is Not For Wimps and a specific post The Safe List, And Why You're Not On It which inspired me to write this piece. (Click Here for Link!)

She writes about how as a person we call many people, other mothers, our friends, but if we're being honest with ourselves, there's only a few of those friends we would trust to watch our children.

If I had read this post before I had become a mother I would have thought that this woman was being completely dramatic and rude. How could you call someone your friend yet not trust them to watch your children!?!

But now... I agree with her. Sure, she is dramatic with her piece but there is truth behind the shock value. Since I've moved to Rock Springs, Wy, I'd say that I've made many, many friends. Many of them are moms who I respect and see quiet frequently but there only a couple that I would feel comfortable leaving my kids with.

This doesn't mean that those I would not leave my kids with I consider bad moms. Actually, most of them are quiet excellent moms. They focus a lot of their time and energy on their families and this is why I respect them. But respect and trust are 2 different things. I wish I could share some situations that have brought me to this conclusion but that would only result in hurt feelings and embarrass friends. Although, that would not be my intention.

I can tell you that the major reason why I have begun to think this way is because I have kids with severe food allergies. They are severe enough that no matter where my kids go, epi-pens are always with them. I have seen both of them have allergic reactions and it's not something I would want any of my friends to feel responsible for. It's bad enough that I scare them with instructions on how to use the epi-pens but I'd never want them to feel the guilt of letting something happen to my kids.

The truth is, this is my life and my worries. No other mother here has to worry every second of every day about their child dying from being exposed to something so small as a peanut.  It's always on my mind.  I walk into a room and have to immediately check if there is anything in there that would put their lives at risk. Other moms I know don't have to do that. They don't have to think like that, so leaving my kids with people who aren't use to instinctively thinking the same way is not an option.  I've had scares of leaving them with people who, when I pick up the kids, will tell me that they didn't realize foods (hazardous to my children's heath) had been left out. I understand that they're not use to thinking the same way but I don't think it's asking too much to be a little more alert for a couple of hours. If I don't think that they are capable of that then I can't leave my kids with that person. Nothing against these other mom's but I don't want to weigh them down more if they just can't make room for it.

But there are other reasons to not leave your kids with other parents; if they are too strict or relaxed with their own kids, too verbal about their home situations, you don't like the messiness of their house, you're worried about germs and other ways your child could get sick at their house, the kinds of foods they feed their kids, what the parents do for a living, what the mom's write on their blogs, and much more. It really doesn't matter!

They're your kids and it's your responsibility to keep them safe. If that means being picky about who watches your kids and why you have that right. Importantly, it's not like you're labeling other parents as unfit, and in no way are you trying to be mean, you're trying to be safe. And if we're being realistic there is a mother out there that calls you a friend, but has her reasons to not leave her kids with you. We're all doing it and none of us are trying to be mean. We're just being safe.

Thanksgiving Crafts For Every Member of The Family

I've always known that my sister-in-law was a fabulous and crafty person but when I asked her for some suggestions on Thanksgiving crafts families can do together I had no idea she had this many helpful suggestions. So, Thank you to my wonderful sista Leesh!
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1. Make Holiday Place Mats
I found a Blog sight called The Domestic Notebook where the writer gives a wonder and easy suggestions for both Thanksgiving and Holiday handmade place mats that you can get laminated and use every year. 

http://thedomesticnotebook.blogspot.com/2009/11/holiday-handprint-placemats.html

2. Do a "thankful/service jar" filled with slips of paper with ways to serve others or ways to show gratitude. Each day you pull one out and do it as a family, you could do it all month long or just the week before Thanksgiving.


3. Make Hand Turkeys

Trace your child’s feet (while she’s wearing shoes)onto brown or black construction paper and cut them out. Trace your child’s hands on various other colors of construction paper. The “feet” will become the turkey’s body and the handprints his tail feathers. Cut out all the pieces you just traced. Use the image above as a guide on how to assemble your turkey. Cut eyes, a beak and a waddle out of remnants of construction paper and glue them on your turkey.


4. Fall Glitter Leafs-cut out paper into leaf shapes, paint with watered down glue and put small squares of fall colored tissue paper on top then paint watered down glue over that and sprinkle a little glitter. They look really pretty and a bunch of them could be a fall center piece.


5. The Thankful Tree (times 2)

#1. Make a Thankful tree by using brown paper to make a tree and branches. Make it small or wall sized depending on space. Just make a basic tree outline taping pieces of paper together if you need to. Then cut out paper leafs. Kids can write/draw something they are thankful for on a leaf. They could put there name on a leaf when they do a service for another person. You can also make the Fall Glitter Leafs to add for some glitter and color. You could do this all month or week of Thanksgiving. Also an owl or acorn could adorn the tree to for fun.

#2. Make the leafs like in the first example but instead of placing the tree on the wall, collect some branches, but them in a vase and attach the cutout leafs with what their thankful for on the branches and use that as the centerpiece for your Thanksgiving dinner.


5. The Thankful Turkey

A lot like the previous craft but using a turkey and it's feathers. Cut out a turkey from brown construction paper, add eyes, a beak, and it's dangle thingy (yes, that's its technical name :)) and then cut out turkey feathers from different colored construction paper. Have each family member write down what they are thankful for and add all the feathers onto the turkey to make it's tail. Place the finished turkey on a wall near the dinner table as a reminder of what you're all thankful for this thanksgiving.  


6. Make Thank You cards by hand. Just simple with construction paper and markers and either hand deliver them on Thanksgiving day or send them to those who you truly are thankful for.


7. Thankful Collages. Give the kids some safety scissors and a stack of magazines and let them make a collage of the things the are grateful for.


8. Sneaky Treats or an act of service. Let the kids help you make some treats to sneakily drop off at friends houses, or do a service for others as a family. Get the kids involved by choosing what service and who to help as well as participating in the service act.


9. And lastly, here is a link to print out free Thanksgiving color pages. This is a good project if you need the kids to be occupied for just a little bit longer while you but the finishing touches on the dinner. 

http://www.free-coloring-pages.com/thanksgiving.html

Pie Can’t Thank You Enough!

By Jana

I love the holidays... all of them.  I am grateful for this chance to share a few of my holiday traditions through this blog.  Especially because I am putting together a holiday cookbook that I hope will help fund our adoption.  

Thanksgiving is a time for reflection on our many blessings, family, and of course Food! 

The pilgrim’s rations were down to 3 kernels of corn a day, until that bounteous, Thanksgiving harvest.  Each night in November we have given the kids three candy corns and ask them to be specific about three things they are grateful for.  It has been very fun and is cultivating an attitude of gratitude in our home.   

What would Thanksgiving be without pie?  I love to make pies. I consider it slightly therapeutic.  I usually spend much of this month in the kitchen.  For me, memories are made in the kitchen! How grateful I am to have one.  One of my favorite things about being a mom is having helping hands in the kitchen.  I love to have the kids stir and mix pound, etc.

Here is one of our traditional Thanksgiving kid pies 

Pieces Pie

1/4 cup butter

4 cups miniature marshmallows

6 cups crisp rice cereal                       

 1-1/3 cups Milk Chocolate Chips

1/2 cup flaked coconut (optional) 

2 cups Reese's Pieces

Directions

In a microwave-safe bowl, heat the butter and marshmallows on high for 1 minute; stir until marshmallows are melted. Add the cereal; mix well. Press onto the bottom and up the sides of two greased 9-in. pie plates. 

In a microwave or heavy saucepan, melt chocolate kisses; stir until smooth. Spread over prepared crusts. Sprinkle with coconut and candy pieces; press down lightly. Let stand until chocolate is set. Cut into slices. Yield: 2 pies 

What Did I do Today?

Sorry, I realize it's been a couple of weeks since I last posted. I've been working on this blog piece for a while but couldn't quite get it right till now. Plus, I've been sick for the last little bit and now I'm feeling revitalized and ready to jump in again. So here's my latest post!
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I don't consider myself a Natural Mother. You know, those moms who were born to be moms. They can't wait to get married and have kids, and when they do, they are fabulous! Those moms that make being a mom look so easy. They have those natural instincts that just amaze and astound those of us who are complete messes. I feel like I struggle everyday to figure what I'm suppose to be doing as a mom and I question almost everyday if I'm doing it right.

It's when I'm in bed at night, trying to wined down and fall asleep. That's when I look back and think about what kind of mother I was to my kids that day. Did I teach them anything new? Did I tell them I loved them? Did I yell or loose my temper? Was I the best mom I could be?

Have you ever thought, "I'm not the best, but I'm not the worst, I'm just good." You're very happy that you're not the worst mom you know (cause lets face it, we all know a mother who we're worried about her kids) but you envy the mom who seems to do everything perfectly. I'm not talking about being a competitive mother like recent post on this blog, but just realizing what kind of mother you're being. Are you doing everything you can to better your children's lives?

There's times when I look back at the day and feel guilty that I spent more time watching television or working on the computer or doing house work than spending quality time with my kids. It's those nights when it takes me longer to fall asleep. I usually lie around in my guilt for a while and then resolve to do better the next day. I wake up with a plan of how I can make that day better then the day before. Play children's music in the house instead of having the tv on. Work on teaching my daughter a new letter, or put a puzzle together with her, or color a picture. We write letters to family members for play games on the computer.

Just something that I can do to get myself feeling like I'm might actually be one of those Natural Moms. Like I'm more than good and definitely not the worst. It kicks my butt into doing the right thing, the best thing, for me and my family, and in the end I enjoy doing those little things with my kids more than sitting around watching television or playing on the computer. It actually helps me to understand them better and have more patience with them in the future, cause I've taken the time to get to know them. Then I have this wonderful memory of the 2 of us doing this fun activity together.

Motherhood takes effort even if you're one of those Natural Moms. If we've decided to bring these little people into the world, then we need to make the effort to help them, teach them to become the best that they can be. We constantly have a job to do for them, and I don't mean feeding them and clothing them. But it's our job to better them as well. I hope everyone of you take the time each night to look back and examine what kind of mom you were and make a plan for the next day. It doesn't have to be a big plan, just change one thing that you can do differently to better yourself and your family.

Website Recommendation #1

So I thought I might start a little series on websites or books I would recommend as a mom/parent. I know that this blog (RBAV) isn't meant to be an all-knowing site, just a place to find associations with other parents. But it can be used as a valid resource for actually FINDING the best information you could use for raising a kids.

My first recommendation is for 2 sister websites:

www.parentcenter.com

www.babycenter.com

I think I found these sites when I was pregnant with Abbie. I was deathly afraid that I wasn't fully equipped to be a mom so I sought out all sorts of sites and books to defend myself against the unknown. When you enter the ParentCenter site it will ask you all sorts of questions like how old your kids are, if your pregnant, do you want weekly emails filled with helpful information, etc. As the scared mom-to-be I whole heartedly filled it all out and signed up for the weekly emails. I am SO GLAD I did. Starting with the first week I was send growth status updates  called "My Baby This Week" emails about where Abbie should be in each stage.

This is the first one I got:
Hello, Stacie! 
Welcome home! Right now, your new baby won't be doing much besides nursing every two to three hours and sleeping off and on around the clock. You may be feeling a little shell-shocked. That's normal — and it's your cue to take it easy. Your main job right now is to tend to your post-delivery aches and pains, learn how to breastfeed, and shower your baby with love. Concentrate on those basics, and when your baby drifts off to sleep try to grab a catnap yourself — the laundry can wait.

Learn more about your newborn's development. 

Or as she got older they read like this:

Hello, Stacie!    (Your 5 month-old this week)  
Your baby's ability to interact with his surroundings, you, and other people grows daily. For instance, he may start playing little games as he begins to understand cause and effect and the results of simple actions. He may drop objects just to watch you pick them up, or he may throw something to see where it lands. Get used to it — games like this will only amuse him more as time goes on. Don't tell him "no" — he doesn't understand the word, and he needs to experiment and explore. But it may help to praise him when he does something a little less frustrating for you.
And:


Your Little Storyteller        (Your 3 year-old This Week)
By reading books and making up stories for your child, you've been priming the pump for storytelling. A 3-year-old may tell stories to you, his friends, his teddy bear, or himself as he walks, plays, or lies in bed. These stories can be disjointed mishmashes of some of the stories he's heard from you. Whatever their source or form, you should encourage tale-spinning. It's a sign that there's some real thinking going on in there. 


I still get them even now that she is 4 1/2 years old. I keep them in their own separate email file so I can refer back to them for future children. Yes, sometimes Abbie was/is farther along or a little behind than what the emails are about but it is a nice gage for what my child's learning or developing process should be. 


 Then, every so often, I get extra emails that links to their sister site BabyCenter where they have all sorts of information. They've given great advice on how to deal with bullies or picky eaters, when to enroll her in pre-schools and what to look for in preschools or how to handle nightmares.  Fun tips for holiday food, games, crafts, etc. and easy ways to manage your time. On the site you can participate in other mom blogs and opinion pages as well as look up answers to questions you have and much more. 


I REALLY love these 2 sites and look to them often as a resource on many topics concerning my kids. I highly recommend them to any parent.


If you have a book or website you'd like to recommend please leave a comment or email me and I'll make sure it get's it's own special feature!

Cleaning And Organizing In Many Ways

By SALLY!


My mom was Right....

When I was a little girl my mom taught me and my sisters that before we did something fun, we should do the things we NEED to do. It wasn't much, but we always worked on the house in the morning (picked up our rooms, made our beds, laundry, etc) and then we did the fun stuff in the afternoon. That was alright, but I use to dread summers because my mom always had extra chores (gardening, organizing, spring cleaning, etc) for us to do above our regular cleaning jobs, but we always did it and in the end we'd have a lot of fun. Looking back at all that work I've realized my mom was teaching us the importance that having a house of order means our lives can be in order too. If my house is clean and in order (as much as it can be with two kids) then my life seems to be a little more organized as well. If my house becomes super messy and disorganized, it makes me, my husband, and my girls a little stressed. 

 

Let me share an experience with you that I had this summer. We decided to let my husband's half-sister come and live with us. When she first moved in I tried to show her how we do things at my house. I'm not the cleanest person in the world, but I have daily chores I do around the house (pick up toys, do the dishes, pick up dirty clothes, ect) and I have weekly chores I do (sweep, mop, vacuum, laundry, deep cleaning, ect.) During the summer, I got all of us outside to pull weeds, mow, water the lawn, take care of Ike-the dog and more. I was trying to teach my girls (and the added 18yr old) the importance of taking time to take care for our home.

As I was trying to teach my sister-in-law the simplicity of having a clean home means an organized life I noticed that this had never been taught to her before. Her room and bathroom were EXTREMELY messy. Not just messy, but disgusting. Dirty and clean clothes mixed together on the floor, food all over (floor, bed, trash), used feminine hygiene products all over the bathroom floor, garbage overflowing in the garbage can, and much more. Her life seemed to resemble these rooms; sloppy, disorganized, and careless. Unfortunately, she couldn't hold much together and was constantly unhappy. Her room overwhelmed her, and it was apparent that her life did as well. Sadly, now matter what I did to help her out, she unfortunately moved out of our house not taking this valuable lesson with her.

But, in my own life, whenever I feel overwhelmed like this, I think about the small stuff I can take care of first; in my house and in my life. I take one room at a time and put everything back in its proper place. Just like in my life, I take the mistakes I've made and try to tackle one first (yes, there are many, but I'm trying...).

So... as we try to tackle our life, here are some good ways to tackle our home, too. My mom taught me pretty well, so I'm just gonna pass these on.

1. DON'T get overwhelmed with the mess! As I said before, take one room at a time. For a week, take a room and COMPLETELY clean it top to bottom. Sweep, dust, vacuum, put things away. There is nothing wrong with making your kids help. Have them help with the major rooms (living room, family room, kitchen) and their rooms. Help them to take pride in what's theirs.

2.Assign your kids...or yourself and your hubby weekly cleaning jobs. While growing up every Friday we each had one room we were responsible for. If I was responsible for the bathroom, then I had to scrub the toilet/bathtub, wash the mirror, mop the floor, empty the garbage. Have each person take a major room. One day a week... and the house is spotless.

3. The five minute rule. After you get your house in order, try taking five minutes...that's right- just five minutes... before lunch, dinner, and bedtime to get everyone in the family to help pick up toys, clothes, shoes, ect that is out of place. That way, it does not get overwhelming at the end of the day.

4. Tackle laundry and dishes the best way you know how. Whether its to assign children chores of sorting through laundry, or someone to empty the dishwasher.... let everyone help out. (My three year old loves to help me empty the dishwasher. My five year old loves to get the clothes out of the dryer.)

Really, I'm only writting this to help remind myself why I keep a house of order. So much of life gets crazy for us and our home should be a place of refuge from the craziness. It should be a place to remind ourselves of what we are striving for. I hope this helps you find the energy and inspiration to not just organize and clean your house, but organize your life as well.

And now that I have written this, I have go get some cleaning done!

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A Note From Stacie:

One day I was watching Jon & Kate Plus 8 and Kate mentioned that she sweeps/mops (swiffers) her kitchen/dining area 3 times a day. It hit me that if she could do that 3 times a day with all the craziness going on, I could at least do it once a say. 

Once I started to implement that, I realized I could organize so many other things in my life. I actually made a cleaning schedule for myself; sweeping everyday once and then mop on Saturdays. Laundry everyday but Mondays were whites, Tuesdays were reds/pinks, Wednesdays were darks, etc. Once I started doing that it seemed easier to fold the laundry right out of the dryer instead of a huge pile at the end of the week. Then I added  cleaning the bathrooms and vacuuming to my schedule and it just grew and grew. But, what I found out was that if I took the time each day to do all the cleaning and orgainizing I scheduled for myself it actually didn't take very long. Then I had the afternoon and evenings to spend with my family and do the things I've been wanting to get done like, scrapbooking, journaling, blog writing, etc. 

Now, the schedule has kind of gone out the window, but the effort and drive is still there. It really does just take one small move to make a big change.

And Then There Was ONE (But, Hopefully Not For Long!!!)

By Stacie

Part 4 of Motherhood is NOT a Competitive Sport was unfortunately, Stephanie's last partnership post for Raised By a Village. She's decided to part ways and focus more on her own writing and interests. I totally respect her for making the hard choice to leave and I hope she feels free to maybe submit writings and comments in the future. I know I will always value her thoughts, tips, and help with parenting.

But the parting of ways has reignited a hope and idea I had for this blog. In my very first post on Raised By a Village I wrote:

Kids aren't just raised and taught by their parents. Aunts, uncles, grandparents, family friends, teachers, books, articles, etc. all have a hand in helping each of us raise our kids. Anytime I need help with an issue I look it up on the internet, I call a friend, I talk to my sister and from there I create the best solution for my family. In turn, friends and family turn to me for advice as well. Even hearing fun stories and situations from others helps me to understand that I am not alone in this world and with what I experience as a mom, wife, woman, friend which comforts me in a way I will never be able to explain. I hope this site will be a place, a forum, for other mothers, wives and friends to find comfort and information that will come in handy in their own lives. This way we are all helping each other out and in a way creating a village of hope, love, fun, and hospitality of our own!


 What inspired me to start this blog was a situation about a year ago where I was feeling very down and depressed. I didn't feel like I was being a good mom, the greatest wife, or friend and I just didn't feel useful. At my lowest point, (8pm and a LARGE bowl of cookie's and cream ice cream) I called my sister. The moment she picked up the phone I started to cry. For the next 15 minutes she patiently listened to me sloppily blabber on about all the horrible, self loathing, inadequacies I dramatically felt about myself as a mom and wife. When I was finished, she spent 30 minutes inspiringly talking WITH me about ways I could change my outlook, gave me tips of what she found worked for her, and told me she's had the same feelings and thoughts at times. In a 45 minute conversation my sister changed my life and helped me grow as a mother, wife, and person. I went from feeling completely alone in my problems, to realizing everyone feels inadequate in their rolls as parents. 


I went from viewing my sister as a domestic goddess to seeing her as a hardworking mom that went through (goes through) all the same things I did or do. And it felt great! Knowing I wasn't alone and that all that she makes look easy was a struggle for her too.  I went to sleep that night so happy and excited for the next day and for what I could do differently.  After that experience the inspiration for the blog arose. A place where women, mothers, friends, weren't alone and to find inspiration, tips, help, stories to help them in all the many rolls they lead. 


So, after sharing all of that, I am now asking all of you to be my new partners! I pledge that I will do my best to post something new every week, but in return I open it up to all of you to feel free to share with the rest of us:


Helpful tips  
Recipes
Stories
Product Reviews
Opinions
Feelings
Holiday Family Ideas
Cheap Craft Suggestions
etc....


What you'll be seeing from me soon:
Motherhood and Working
A potty training method that I absolutely LOVE
Small moments with my kids that make me smile and be happy to be a mom
CD's about improving communication within your marriage
How I'm helping my daughter learn her ABC's
Asking advice on various situations 
etc....


I hope that this might inspire you to want to share something with the rest of us! 


Some rules with submissions: Please avoid political or religious opinion pieces. I think we can all help and inspire each other no matter our personal religious and political beliefs. And I welcome opinions and soapboxes, I've used this blog for mine, but please be careful and know that I have the right to edit or not post at all if I feel a post is too offensive. But I welcome anything and everything that will enrich us all!


If you are interested and feel like you have something to share please leave a comment saying you'd like to write something or email me at raisedbyavillage@gmail.com and we will discuss further what you'd like to write about.


To start you all off a friend has already volunteered a piece she has been working on and that will be posted soon. 


Oh, and don't be surprised if you get a call or email from me asking you to write something!

Motherhood is Not a Competitive Sport, Part 4 (The Last One!)

By Stephanie

The Only Opinion that Matters

Like any stay-at-home mom, I live at my place of employment. I do not clock out at 5pm.  Even after my kids go to bed at 8:30, 8:47, 9:08, 9:23 and finally stay there at 9:45, I am not finished.  My husband and I have a carefully negotiated process for deciding who gets up when one of our twins (not our toddler, mind you, it’s the four-year-olds!) wake up with a bad dream or needing another blanket.  It involves calculating who needs to get up earlier, who went to bed later, and is finally decided by who’s better at faking sleep.

The duties never get put on hold, and they never end. I don’t get a yearly performance review. I have no supervisor.  I do have a business partner, but we decided some time ago that I would trust him to do his best at producing an income and he would trust that I’m doing my best at managing the household.

 How, then do I decide if I’m doing a good job?  Nobody else has my kids.  No one else works with the constraints of my microscopic kitchen. I’m relatively certain no other woman knows what it’s like to be married to my husband and how much time needs to be invested in our marriage to keep it happy. I’m on my own here.

Every day I set goals: things I absolutely have to do, things I should probably do, and things that even in my wildest fantasy I won’t do, but I like to pretend there’s still a possibility.  And at the end of the day I judge myself according to the number of items checked off.

I’ve gone through endless cycles of being too hard on myself, then deciding I don’t care because I have a bunch of little kids and everybody (including myself) is just going to have to understand, okay? Right now I’m (of necessity) taking care of the “have to’s,” then my physical health… and then the day is over and it’s time to go to bed.

The one thing I’m not doing, because I have learned the hard way that it only leads to more frustration, is compare myself to other mothers.  I will always find other moms who cook better meals, or have a better chore system, or a cleaner house. If I can learn something useful from what they do I’ll try it, but often their circumstances are sufficiently different from mine that their methods won’t work for me. That’s okay.

I have learned, from necessity, to judge for myself whether or not I could be doing better.  That judgment is based on hard-won knowledge of me and my capabilities, not comparisons, and not what anyone else tells me. Snotty comments and idle gossip occasionally threaten to distract me, but the older I get, the easier it is to ignore them. (And avoid the perpetrators – and thankfully, there are not many in my acquaintance.)

I am a woman of faith who believes a loving Heavenly Father cares even more than I do about my children. I pray every day to do a good job, and it has been my experience that if I listen carefully, He will tell me what He thinks.  Generally speaking, I get nothing but encouragement from that direction.  The few times I’ve been given some heavenly guidance, it has come gently.

My husband is another source of constant support. Whenever I get discouraged or feel like I’m failing, he reassures me that I’m a good mom and he knows I’m doing my best.

The only person who can derail this train, then, is me.

This is my last post for Raised by a Village, and if anything I’ve written here has meaning for anyone, I hope it’s this: We mothers have an incredibly important job to do, and we need to learn to gather all the information we can, and then trust our instincts when we need to make a decision.

 I am the expert when it comes to my kids. I know what works in my house and what doesn’t. 

My opinion is the one that matters here. The only one that matters.

Motherhood is Not a Competitive Sport, Part 3

By Stephanie

A  Humble Suggestion

Moms need supportive friendships with other moms, as I discussed in Part I.  We don’t want to be judged or criticize for falling short of somebody else’s expectations, as I decreed in Part 2.

That’s all well and good.  How, then, do we find women with whom we can have those cozy mentorships?  Whom do we pick?  How are we to be found worthy by other mothers of such trust?

Other than the obvious things like smile, make eye contact, bathe frequently, and ask  questions, I have one key suggestion on how to foster good relationships: don’t gossip.

Yup, that’s it. Don’t talk bad about other mothers (or anybody, really, in your acquaintance) behind their backs. I’m all for sharing happy news, “Jen is pregnant!” “Jack and Jillian are building a house,” or even sad news if it’s just news, “Little Ernie is sick,”  “Bert lost his job,” but not the judgy, can-you-believe-they’re-so-stupid kind of information.

Why? Well, maybe it’s just me, but when I hear someone gossiping, I think two things.  First, I know this person is judgmental.  Critical. Not in the habit of cutting slack.  Second, as I am a person who needs some compassion and understanding on a regular basis, I know that this person is eventually going to talk smack about me when I’m not around.  I don’t feel safe being that person’s friend.

Conversely, if I’m with someone who is always gracious and protective of others’ reputations, I know that this is someone I can trust.  I can tell them my woes, my struggles, and I can be myself around them and know my name is safe with them. This is a lovely, strong foundation for a really great friendship.

Please understand that I don’t think all gossips are evil.  (Maybe some, but not most.) I think they’ve fallen into the trap of thinking everyone does it, they’ve found that it’s a cheap way to feel instantly better about themselves, and they find it entertaining.  Well, it isfun. However, like so many amusing but naughty things, it has negative consequences that (in my opinion) outweigh anything we might gain.

I don’t think gossip generally harms the subject of said tittle-tattle much. Most gossipers are smarter than that, and most people listening aren’t going to run to the victim and say, “Guess what I heard about you?”

I also don’t know what to tell you about when we hear someone start to share the latest scandal we don’t want to hear.  Change the subject?  Say something good about the person in question?  Stick our fingers in our ears and say, “I can’t hear you I can’t hear you?’

I only know what I’ve seen and experienced.  They way to secure, meaningful friendships with other women is to demonstrate that we can be trusted.  That we are kind and have a gentle heart.  Motherhood is hard.  It is so very, very hard.  As women we can do so much to make it easier for each other, to give each other courage, to calm fears and bolster spirits.  First, though, we have to demonstrate that we’re all in this together, cheering each other on – not tearing each other down.