What's In a Name?

One of my favorite bloggers, CJane, just had a baby girl and named her Ever. That has got to be one of the coolest names I have ever heard (no pun intended).  I was relieved to see that all of her comments were positive, too, which doesn’t always happen to popular bloggers, and is one thing that makes me think it would be okay to toil away in obscurity indefinitely (sorry, Stacie).

It was a reminder of something I  have been wanting to stand up on my soapbox (this blog) and shout to the parents of the world:  name your kid whatever you want, and if somebody doesn’t like it, give ‘em a big smile and say, “Oh, I just love it!”

We named our first child Kira.  We knew a cute young girl of the same name, so it had a positive association, and it sounded nice in our ears.  The alternative was Emily, which I still regard as one of the loveliest names in the English language.  Unfortunately, we knew approximately 53 other little girls called the exact same thing.  Even now, I think, If I have another girl, I’m naming her Emily.  Ain’t gonna happen, but the sentiment is there.

Now, one of my sistesr-in-law thought Kira was a terrible name.  Apparently, it is a brand of wart ointment.  I had never seen it, and still haven’t, and it gave me pause for about three minutes.  We have since had two more friends who have named their daughters Kira or a variation thereon, so we feel our Kira’s in good company.

So this brings me to my next rant:  should expectant parents road-test baby names on their friends and family?  Most people I know can’t help themselves because they have, of course, chosen the most perfect name and can’t wait to tell the world.  Others, though, just don’t want to hear the criticism, or even that little pause that means, “You have got to be kidding me!”  before the more polite, “Oh.  That’s….different.”

Here’s my take on telling people your baby-to-be’s name – it’s a good idea.  Even if people totally hate it, it warns them.  They have a little time to get used to thinking of your precious angel as “Horace,” before “Horace” arrives.  Trust me, they do get resigned to it even if they initially hate what you’ve chosen.  You also get some practice defending the name and deciding if that’s the one you really, really want to go with.

For example, our youngest daughter is named Scarlett.  Yes, I do love Gone With the Wind.  I came to see the it as a potential baby name, though, after reading the blog My Diary of Triplet Fatherhood, by a guy who has triplet daughters and named one Scarlett.  She is so, so adorable.  He writes so beautifully.  Oh, and my favorite color is red.

When I told my dad we wanted to name baby number five Scarlett, there was a pause, the what-are-you-thinking one, and then, “But, Stephanie, there are so many other names!”  He favored Misty Dawn, himself.

My brother and sister-in-law, who are named Ryan and Sarah, respectively, didn’t like growing up as Ryan G. and Sarah J. because they were each one of six kids in their school classes with the same moniker, and have sworn to never name their own kids anything in The Top 100 Most Popular Baby Names list.  They loved “Scarlett.”  They were in the minority. 

Having gotten negative reactions from about two-thirds of the people we discussed the name with, we temporarily thought about going with Jessica.  Nice, safe, popular, completely uncontroversial Jessica.

In the end, though, we realized we loved the name Scarlett.  That’s who we thought of our baby as being, and we didn’t want to change it. If it immediately brings to mind a saucy young southern girl, well, there could be much worse things.

So if you pore over baby books, consult your family tree, even try combining sounds to come up with something new, only to find that everybody hates the name you picked, or your manly boy name has been appropriated for girls, or even that it’s a brand of wart ointment, don’t apologize.  Unless you’re going to go to the expense of legally changing the child’s name, be proud of it.  Your kid will need to be, so you might as well set the example.

 

If you would like to visit the blog's referred to in this post, here are the links:

http://blog.cjanerun.com/

http://blog.voidstate.com/

My Personal Mountain

(get it cause it's a mountain of laundry!?!)

On my personal blog I have many a times blogged about my inability to tackle and conquer the mountain of laundry that always seems to pile up at our house. It is such a big deal to me that I made it one of my New Year's resolutions this year; doing and folding the laundry in a timely manner. Apparently I have not had any success at that yet. I am REALLY good at getting it into the washer and dryer, but the folding part has yet to be done quickly after. 

I think that some of my problem is that I don't have enough space in our home to fold the laundry while the kids are awake without having them run or crawl over my nice, neat piles while I'm still folding. The few times I've tried I have become Mean Mommy, and she has an ugly attitude with no patience (and I have a sneaking suspicion I will refer to Mean Mommy a lot on this blog). I try to avoid letting her loose when I can, so needless to say folding laundry happens after they go to bed at night. The only problem is, I have TONS of other things to get done at night after they go to bed and laundry never seems to be a priority. Hence, the lovely mountain of clean laundry. 

Why am I blogging about this? Because I know it's not directly about being a mother or parenting, but I need help! I need suggestions and ideas, tips and advice. How do I conquer my mountain?

The Best Advice I’ll Never Take

I have a friend, Jana, who makes all the stuff I struggle with as a mother look easy.  She also makes all the stuff I do well look easy.  She should, therefore, be easy to hate, but she’s also funny, kind, and somebody I could never get tired of being around. So when Jana explained her handy-dandy system for getting her children to cheerfully do chores, while at the same time systematically teaching them every conceivable household task, I knew I had to do it, too.  The whole concept was sheer genius.  It was even visually appealing. There was only one small problem.  I am not Jana. The System requires parents to be organized and aware of what their children are doing pretty much all the time.  Two strikes for me.  It also requires mom to be consistent.  Now, normally I do shoot for that, but when I was initially contemplating Jana-tizing my chore system, I was very pregnant (read: unbelievably huge) with my fifth child.  My twins were not yet three years old.  Rules and consistency were being thrown out the window in favor of “whatever gets mom through the next few months.” After my baby’s birth Jana kindly offered again to help me set up the system.  Now, let me explain something so you don’t have to learn this the hard way:  We knew we wanted one more kid after our twins.  We were also in our mid-thirties and not getting any younger.  We thought, how much more difficult could our lives get? Well, it turns out that X number of children born in X – 1 number of years equals mass chaos and exhaustion.  Even though little number five has been an absolute joy, we now realize that particular spacing decision was insane.  We wouldn’t give her back, and we’re starting to feel like we’re not drowning, but then was absolutely not the time to revamp a large part of our parenting practices. So will I be adopting Jana’s system sometime in the future?  No.  I have realized that although it’s undoubtedly effective, my “go with the flow” personality would make it way more painful for me than it would be for the kids.  I do better with a straightforward, not remotely creative or fancy strategy:  a list stuck to the refrigerator with the implied threat, “Do this or else!” That is not to say I haven’t learned something from Jana.  I am more mindful of where each of my children is in learning necessary life skills. I think about where Kira needs to be in six and a half years when she goes to college, and whether or not she knows enough to be a good roommate.  I think I’m doing a better job of teaching Hallie and Sophia that their actions all have consequences, including what they don’t do. Good friends, good mothers, are like that.  They don’t insist, “Be like me,” but allow those around them to adopt the essence of what is admirable, and mold it into a shape that works well for them. Thanks, Jana.

Why, Raised By a Village?

You might be wondering why we decided to Title our Blog "Raised By a Village" and I thought I'd take a moment to explain. This was something that both Stephanie and I thought about for a long while and wanted to make sure we got it just right. I wanted something that would fully encompass what we wanted to do here, how we felt, and was easy to remember. I think we hit in on the nail. Kids aren't just raised and taught by their parents. Aunts, uncles, grandparents, family friends, teachers, books, articles, etc. all have a hand in helping each of us raise our kids. Anytime I need help with an issue I look it up on the internet, I call a friend, I talk to my sister and from there I create the best solution for my family. In turn, friends and family turn to me for advice as well. Even hearing fun stories and situations from others helps me to understand that I am not alone in this world and with what I experience as a mom, wife, woman, friend which comforts me in a way I will never be able to explain. I hope this site will be a place, a forum, for other mothers, wives and friends to find comfort and information that will come in handy in their own lives. This way we are all helping each other out and in a way creating a village of hope, love, fun, and hospitality of our own!

However, I do have to admit we didn't come up with the name. My good friend David suggested it and I have to give him props for giving us the perfect blog name. Thank you David!

Get to Know The Bloggers

Meet Steph:


Hi, my name is Stephanie and I am the mother of five (yes, FIVE!) beautiful daughters, ages 16 months to 11 ½ years. Being a stay-at-home mom was/is my Plan A, and I feel blessed to be able to live that plan, dream, thanks to my hard-working and supportive husband.
Ninety to 95% of the time I feel overwhelmed by how lucky I am. The other five percent or so? I grit my teeth and get through it, and occasionally wonder why I didn’t follow my dreams and work for the CIA instead. And I mean “dreams” very literally – I have recurring dreams where I am engaged in thrilling espionage ala Jennifer Garner in “Alias.” .” However, as I am fairly non-confrontational and a terrible liar, I’m probably better off doing the mom thing.
...Wait a minute. Come to think of it, maybe being a spy would have been good training for raising kids after all.
I put myself firmly in the “optimist” category and love to hear and read things that celebrate the joys of motherhood. However, it’s the difficult five or ten percent of being a wife and a mother where we need other women’s support and advice to know we’re normal, that we can do this very challenging thing we’re trying to do, and that we’ll get through it, and probably in much better shape than we think.

Meet Stacie:

 

Hi, my name is Stacie and I am a stay-at-home mom of an energetic 4 year-old girly-girl and a cheeky but sensitive 10 month-old boy. I am very happy and lucky to be able to spend quality time with my little ones with the support and care of my hardworking husband. This wasn't my Plan A. I got a Public Communication degree from the University of Utah and I very much wanted to put that to good use. I planned on being a working mom, but when working vs. paying for babysitting just didn't add up, and I realized that I didn't want a babysitter experiencing those "first" moments with my child instead of me staying at home and being a good mom then became my ideal career choice.

Since this wasn't my first career choice and I'm still new at this, I'm constantly working on my patience and it usually takes a melt down (with many tears) to have an eye opening epiphany to change my thinking and attitude. Yes, I'm a dramatic and emotional person and it's not a surprise that my daughter is the same way. But I wouldn't have it any other way. She is truely entertaining and teaches me something new every day. I would say that I am a quirky, non-judgmental, absent-minded, and caring person that doesn't get embarrassed and will do anything to get a laugh out of you.

I believe that even though I am just beginning my journey into motherhood that I have a lot to share as well as a lot to learn about being a mom. I’m hoping that through this blog we can all learn, support, and teach each other as we all continue working on being great moms, wives, and friends. And no matter where we are at in our mothering stages, we can all help each other out.

What the 2 of us are hoping this blog will be:

A place for some celebration, a little confession, and lots of sharing solutions so we can do the best job possible at the most crucial, sacred task we will ever have – raising our children. And sometimes, we might even make you laugh.