When to Intervene In Other's Parenting

So it happened again this week; I pulled into a parking space at a store only to look over and see that there is a child sitting alone in a car. It's the dead of winter here and although both times the cars were locked, that still doesn't make me feel like that child is safe.

The first was a SUV at a grocery store with 3 kids that all looked under the age of 5. The car was running and the middle child was not buckled in. I froze when I saw this. There was no way I was going to walk away from this potentially hazardous situation. The mom came out about 3-4 minutes after I pulled up carrying a new humidifier and a small bag that I assume was full of some kind of medicine. She saw me watching her and hurried to get in the car and pulled away quickly.  The second time happened just yesterday when I pulled into the drug store parking lot. I parked and looked over to the car next to mine and saw a little girl sitting in the back seat and the car was not running. So the kids and I stayed in the car singing songs while keeping an eye on the car next to us. Within a few minutes the mom came out and chatted with who I assume was family sitting in the car next to hers and eventually got in her car to checked on her daughter. The second car had been there the whole time but in now way seemed to be keeping an eye on the little girl. Both times the mother showed up within minutes of me pulling into my space but I have no idea how long each time the kids were in their cars before I got there.

Now, I've been known to leave my kids in the car as I run into a store real quick or run something into my husband's office, but I never do it where I can't have an eye on my car at all times AND if I know I will be longer than 3 minutes. Yes, 3 minutes cause if you're going to be longer than it's worth the time to take you're kids with you. They are safer with you than in the car alone. And my kids are always buckled if they are in the car. That has been ground into our daughter's head that if she is in the car, engine running or not, she has to have her seat belt on.

I know I'm not perfect and in no means am I judging these other mothers. After all, last year while running into my friend's salon to check my appointment time the salon next door called the police on me for leaving my kids in the car alone. I was less than 5 minutes and could see my car the whole time and a customer coming in informed me that my kids were crying in the car. I left immediately and found out later that the cops showed up a couple of minutes later. The truth is that the salon next door called the cops only to get my friends salon in trouble (bitter rivalry), but I was still enormously embarrassed and I felt that they had over reacted seeing as they had been in the car for just a couple of minutes. So I get it, I get needing to run in somewhere without the hassle of getting your kids to behave correctly for such a short amount of time. But when do you say, "I need to intervene!"

This reminded me of a piece I read on another mom blog about when to intervene when you see a parent treating their kids incorrectly in public. Here is a link (Da Momma: When To Speak Up) and I liked her thought process. She made a check list that you might want to do in your head before you intervene in an inappropriate situation between parent and child.

This is her checklist

BEFORE INTERVENING IN SOMEONE ELSE’S PARENTING

1)  Is the child in danger
2)  Check your motivations
3)  Is this something that really needs intervention?
4)  What are your chances of actually affecting change?
5)  If you can help, what is the best way?

If you want more information on why she chose those points to be on her check list check her blogpost at DaMomma Checklist

I use to have a real problem with intervening especially at our local playgroup and after I read this list I realized that I had intervened way too often. I had my own personal thoughts and rules that I had pushed on the other parents and kids and if I had just sat back and let each parent and kid do their own thing I could have been more relaxed and I could have enjoyed those times more.  I might have even burned some bridges and for that I am truly sorry for. I have learned from my mistakes and use this checklist often when I come upon situations that call for it.