Motherhood is Not a Competitive Sport

By Stephanie

Part 1 – How it Should Be

Every mom should have a friend like Denise.  My oldest daughter, Kira, is the same age as her youngest child, Ashley.  Kira and Ashley have been in the same grade, same classroom, every year since kindergarten except one.  This could have been a recipe for rivalry and competition, but instead it’s been a seven-year collaboration on the best way to raise our daughters.

Because Ashley is Denise’s youngest child, she’s had far more useful information to share.  The best teachers, how early to go to sign up for summer programs, what we think about a mutual acquaintance’s slumber party - she’s even called me about good deals on modest swimsuits. 

We also talk about how the girls are doing in school.  That could have been a touchy subject – nobody likes to admit that their child has fallen behind academically.  With so many other moms, I would have been tempted to not mention it or exaggerate Kira’s successes. Instead, though, we’ve commiserated when they got off to a slow start in math, rejoiced together when they both became excellent readers, and did lots of patting ourselves on the back this past year as they blossomed in the classroom of the most sought-after sixth grade teacher in town (we got in line at 5am for that one).

“How much work are you putting into the medieval fair costume?”  “Is she dressing up for Halloween?”  “Some of the other girls are wearing make-up and my daughter isn’t interested.” 

What do you think?

Having a safe person to ask those questions has made a world of difference in my parenting.  Had I not had Denise, my initiation into so many parts of raising children would have been tentative and unsure.  Instead, I’ve had the knowledge and the confidence to go charging in and do my best for my child.  Denise has been my mentor.  She has always encouraged and never criticized.  She’s occasionally made some tactful suggestions, but never in an “I know better so listen to me” way, although many times she probably did.

Most of all, Ashley is a fantastic kid.  She’s mature, hard-working, polite, kind, everything you would want in your daughter’s best friend.

If you’re thinking maybe this is all a bit too good to be true, let me assure you it is not.  Perhaps the reason I have such strong opinions on parenting and the way mothers should relate to each other is I’ve experienced the best possible relationship between two moms.

As I climb onto my soapbox for what will be a four-part series (the next two posts are about the nasty stuff moms to do to other – tune in!) I hope you chime in with your opinions, too.  None of us raises our children in isolation.  We all need each other, but sometimes we fail miserably in that obligation.

Sometimes, though, we are kind, and helpful, and recognize the tremendous power mothers can have when we work together